A Little Something That Wasn't There Before

A Little Something That Wasn't There Before

One morning not more than a few days ago, I sat quietly in a comfy leather chair at my favorite coffee shop. I come here almost every morning to think and write in my leather bound diary. I find it very relaxing and a great way to start my day. I can't tell you how long I was sitting for that particular morning when a patron from out of no where politely interrupted my morning ritual to asked if the chair directly across from me was taken. I looked up and found myself looking into two stunningly beautiful bright blue eyes. I had never seen her here before. She was not just the regular kind of beauty...oh no, she was something special. Her beauty went well beyond her physical appearance. I quickly responded back by saying "no not at all, your welcome to sit there". She wasted no time in making herself at home. Seconds later she commented on how busy it was and I simply said that this is usually how it is. Before long we were talking like old friends, as if we had known each other for decades. A feeling came over me that I had not felt in years but I wasn't about to tell her my little newly found secret.  She appeared to be younger than I was yet without a doubt I could see that she was an old sole like me. I fell in love instantly. In my fragile state of recently going through a divorce just 4 years prior, my inner voice quickly convinced me that I had no chance at all. I guess its just how guys think sometimes.  How could such perfection have any interest in a man like me. And its not like I haven't grown from the past: quite the opposite really. I think its because I know fair well that I have aged in appearance and the last thing a woman of her caliber looks for is a guy like me. Now wait a minute.....I know what you might be thinking this very moment;  that a woman is not attracted to a man that displays a lack of confidence and rightfully so. But lets be realistic here, I have confidence and I see myself as good looking but there are lots of other things going on here in my head far beyond my confidence and appearance. As a person gets older they are less likely to take chances and more inclined to lean toward security and a sure thing. And in my case the odds are stacked against me. First off, I have no place of my own (I rent). And secondly I don't have a huge income at the moment (work in progress). What does this have to do with anything you might ask. Well, to start with, If I were to date again I would like to have something to offer a person besides love and at this point I think that I would be cheating someone out of a good life because I am lacking in those areas. Both are equally important in my books....Love and financial security. Regardless of all that stuff, I felt that she liked me too and that was enough for me. Someday I will have financial success that I can add to my loving heart and kind personality, giving me the ability to successfully support a lasting relationship with a beautiful and complete woman like her. I would like to imagine that someday her and I could meet again and on that day we would become one dancing close together until the end of time, but I certainly won't hold my breath. It was only a dream from my perspective and that's all it will ever be; just a dream.....but it gave me hope and added a little something to my life that wasn't there before. Thank you !!!

Written By: Michael K. Englmann

On the 

Fifteenth Day

 Of The 
Ninth Month

In the Year
Two Thousand And Fifteen

AKA: BigBang / BlueSkyIgniter

iambigbang.blogspot.com

michaelenglmann@shaw.ca